Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
