She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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