I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
