My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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