'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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