Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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