I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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