i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
