Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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