I'm lost and stupid without you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
