I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
is that a dick in a sweater?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
