Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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