Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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