Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
