Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
