One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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