do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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