You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
