Even the bartender felt bad for me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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