He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
