Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
