He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
