We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
its not stalking. its research.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
