i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
