Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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