franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
