I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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