if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
