its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
