Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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