Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
