Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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