Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
