i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I love you. Go after that dick
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize