oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize