how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
