mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
