DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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