i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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