I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
