normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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