Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
well you can't waste a boner
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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