Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
