He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I party with great urgency now.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
