Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
