He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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