Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
