tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
