somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
