you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
