Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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