went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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