i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
