It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How does it feel to date your dad?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
