So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
