just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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