i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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