I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
