There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
