He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
