the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
