I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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