she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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