I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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