She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
