no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
