Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
