I feel like I'm in dance class right now
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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