i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Say something about gay babies.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
