oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
